I’ve been told that I can be confidently wrong! Typing this now makes me laugh, but it used to really upset me when people pointed that out – and trust me, several have!
I got to thinking about that tendency of mine, and also started noticing when others had the same tendency. (Pro tip: what bothers you in other people, is generally unresolved within yourself!)
-What were the circumstances for my confident incorrect-ness?
-Why did I feel so strongly?
-I generally tend to be a pretty curious person, so what made these times different?
The answer I came to, was pretty simple. In those instances, I genuinely thought I knew the answer. Be it directions, the answer to a question, the recollection of data, or anything else. I genuinely thought I knew. I was confident that I was correct, so my natural curiosity went out the window, and I showed up as confidently wrong! I never questioned what I “knew” was right.
Now, confidence is always a good thing, so let’s get that clear right away. I love feeling confident. I also love being self-aware, making others feel safe, staying curious, and growing. This was an opportunity to grow.
These days, when I’m confidently wrong, those closest to me point it out and we laugh.
So how did I get from being upset by that feedback to laughing about it? Well, first, I was kind to the part of myself that felt upset. I got curious to understand what was underneath that reaction. What I know to be true about myself, is that being smart gives me confidence. It’s been true since I was a kid. Some people get confidence from athletic or social skills. I got it from being smart…which can absolutely get in the way of curiosity.
Understanding the root of something has always helped me grow, so here we are. The opportunity that presented itself was to notice when my confidence was being driven by that desire to be seen as smart, and to lean more into curiosity in those moments.
I offer this all to share a few things:
1) We all get to continue to grow, if we’re open to it.
2) There will always be moments where you can choose self-kindness.
3) Self-awareness, other-awareness, and emotional intelligence are gifts – even when they may show up as frustration!
Where do you have a pattern that you’d like to shift? What do others point out that upsets you? What do you notice in other people that bugs you? How can you be kindly curious with yourself to understand your own root?
Growth opportunities are all around. Make sure yours are steeped in self-kindness.
